page 1 / you.not to be here / diary of a young heart /

I miss you here and there, once in a while, sometimes it lasts all day long, sometimes it doesn’t show up. I miss you more while looking up at the sky at 6 pm, when things start to turn to black and the light soon will be disappeared. I miss you when you hold my shoulder tightly and whisper to my ear ‘it’s ok if you want to give up’, and then I keep moving on. I miss you more when you put a note on my sketch book to tell me not to open it because you know I have no inspiration at all just by looking at my face at 9 am.

Do you remember my favorite song?

The one that made me cry all day long while hiding in my blanket for a week straight, yes, that stupid song. It’s funny that I’m still crying listening to it now. One tiny thing that changed is you’re not here anymore, there’s no hot mint tea and brownie for those cold days anymore. I really don’t know how on Earth that you could come up with an idea of mint tea for me, didn’t you know I love orange tea? I remember it was raining back to those old days, you came and sat on the floor with your head leaned on my bed, I know you were listening to me sobbed like a child. ‘How can you love the song that makes you cry this much?’ – you had this same question repeated over and over.

I never have an answer for that question, just like I had no answer for you the day you went out of my life. I didn’t know it will lead me to so much misery, not because I didn’t try to keep you by my side, but because of ignoring your question.

‘Life is just a slice of pizza. Eat it’

That’s your motto, not mine. How can you eat this whole messy and crazy world, it tastes awful. You knew I would never listened when you tried to tell me to stand up straight and leave all my bad days behind, but at least you tried, not like me, I never tried to listen to you.

These days,

I wake up late, I work so hard, do everything that I can just to forget the fact that I’m missing you more than ever, that love doesn’t mean you and me together, it is what it is and how it is. So you can go as far from me as you want to and I can live my life as crazy as I want to. We might never have a chance to meet again and I’m cool with that, because letting you go is the only way to say love, and letting you go is the only way to love you.

 

Life was so easy when I’m with you and now all I know is missing you, more and more when I feel like being knocked out by life, tough time comes and I’m weak, one thing missing is you’re not here anymore, not by my side from now ’till forever. That is the hardest thing of all, you – not to be here.

 

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